the last year

The last year has been full of surprises and well planned moments.
Highlights:

1. I met my mother. The woman who gave birth to me, whom I never thought I would come in contact with.
It came as a surprise, though I was completely prepared and absolutely ready. It was perfect. It has been one year since it started with a surprise meeting in a natural food store.

2. I got a job and have been insane. BUT I am learning more than I had ever expected, and am grateful for the opportunity to be with the amazing people who inhabit Central City East.

3. I have been the subject of many confusions: a. I am not 17, or younger, I am 24 years old, I don't care how old you think I look, I have in fact lived for 24 years. b. I am Jewish, but I do not know Hebrew, I do not have a dradle, I don't want to be a lawyer, I don't think, and I do not know much about what it really means to carry this heritage, thank you for the reminder, I am learing. c. No, I will not sleep with you, nor will I do this, that, or the other thing. For some reason, some men find it fitting to whistle and blow kisses and holler crude and suggestive comments at me.

4. Dating is a strange game. I have this thing called a boyfriend now, and people think my life is suppsed to be drastically different. All I know, is that it is nice to have a friend who thinks I'm beautiful and cares more about consistency than some people I have known for years. I am grateful for the people who are consistent in my life. I often find myself wondering how they do it, and why they would want to commit to me, but I am grateful, and I am glad that they chose to 'date' me and commit in various ways. I pray I might be a friend like boyfriends apparently are. I hope to have been purposeful this last year. And consistent. If not, I have this year to make up for it.

5. I ate meat only a few times, and I found that it is not as appealing as I once thought. The occasions were as follows: one - in Kansas City, the occasion called for compliance and consideration of a gracious host offering me barbeque. two - at Ivy's house. She made a chicken pot pie and invited me over for dinner. I hate chicken, but this was pretty good. three - on Hannukah at the schleimers, the had lamb, I ate lamb. it was kosher, and i think feel okay about that. it tasted delicious. four - my grandmother made a pot roast and turkey on the same holiday and said, 'You love potroast, you must eat it!' and scowled. In spite I had three bites of the roast and two of the turkey. All I could think of was the farm that the beef came from and shit. fumes from corn fed bovine produced fecal matter floating in the air, moving throughout the atmosphere and into my nostrils as i consumed the lovely and salty meat prepared by the beautiful woman i call 'gram cracker.' and I still think Turkey tastes like chemicals.

6. Cody at church was one of the most beautiful moments I could have ever imagined. he looks like me, he plays the ukelele, and he loves peace and loves love more than most human beings i have ever met. I hope to be like him someday.

7. realising that it doesn't take a degree in anything to love people like Jesus. this has been an ongoing process, but getting down on myself for not having my transcripts because of a second semeste language course, has bothered me a lot. i have felt in adequate. this is obsurd. i am going to take this dumb test again soon and try to pass it. if i do not, i will take the class and hopefully be done with it.

8. today, you are enough. you are beautiful, and you are loved by the Creator of the universe. let that be okay and let it be enough.
this has been a phrase that has gone through my head often and if not daily, certainly weekly. it may have changed my life in many positive ways.

9. i blogged more consistently this last year than i think i ever have in my life.
i hardly wrote anything down. i am excited for the hope of writing in the future.

10. there is a blue jay in the back patio of the condo i live in with heidi. she has been one of the most significant blessings in my life in the last year, and I don't think she knows. it. but i am grateful.