i've got to make this fairly quick, but i wanted to respond before i left; mostly because i fear that if i didn't, i would forget to respond completely upon my return - i'm really bad at these things... especially when i know they'll take me a while... i'll do my best to respond in kind to your last set of questions.
first, i don't really have a couch, so i won't be doing that... though i'd prefer to be outside all hours of the day anyway. and second, i don't have time to tell you everything, sorry, but i'll do my best to put myself in one of those nice gift-wrapped boxes that people seem to enjoy so much.
like i said, i like being outside, however, if you ask anyone who knows me, for the most part, they would know that 'like' is a completely inappropriate word. 'love' is incorrect as well. kieran once told me (in his kindest rude manner-i say this with a smile) that my desire to be outside was very "American" about me... I hated that, however, I have resigned to allow myself at least one - hopefully not much more than that - thing in my life that might qualify my citizenship... I would also like to think that Kieran is wrong. Anyway, I have a need to be outside, to see the sun, the feel moving air, to touch the grass with my bare feet, to not just watch the rain fall but to somehow be a part of it. I can't avoid it. without spending too much time in one area, to say the least, I had a unique experience as a child, and though I've always loved being outside, over the last few years, in an effort to reclaim myself as a child, I've learned to love being outside even more. it has become much more a requirement for a good day than a leisure. They are few and far between the days that I don't spend much time outside. Southern California weather has fueled this luxury.
if you look on facebook or myspace or any other internet site that i may have begun a page on and toyed with for more than a few minutes, or that others have written on, you might likely find comments made by myself or another calling me a hippie, or a vagabond, a bohemian, nomad, granola-chic, whatever... all of these terms have both negative and positive connotations... and like most words are limited by their definitions. when asked to use my own words i find i change them as often as possible. i second guess what i've just said - almost every time. with that in mind here's a little about me.
i was adopted. born in la to people that i do not know. i was moved to a foster family that became the only family i would know as my own. yes. i would like to meet my biological parents/mother/brother/family... someday. hopefully sooner than not. i grew up in southern california. my parents-who adopted me- went to church, so i went to church. we went to very different churches even though they met in the same building. i went to children's church, and they went to big church. throughout my childhood i was convinced that they learned very different things than i did. i felt this way about most adults who talked about my friend Jesus as if he didnt' actually exist. it was strange to me. i hated church and loved Jesus, i find that some of the feelings from my childhood didn't go away.
[here i feel i must clarify that i do love the church, the body of Christ, the movement of Christ in the world through humanity, but i also get frustrated with what some of the louder, wealthier members of the body say... ref. Torture & Eucharist by William T. Cavanaugh, The Politics of Jesus by John H. Yoder, For the Life of the World by Alexander Schmemann. . . side note - i think i would marry alexander schmemann if he were alive and if he would have me... which i doubt he would...]
in the same way that many have reading disabilities and and mental disorders - inabilities to do,or perform, in certain, proper ways - i have a system-disability/disorder/inability. it is something that is both innate, coming from the depths of my being, and yet has been nurtured by my surroundings. i have always had a preference for the outcasts. i am drawn to those that are pushed to the fringes and margins. the systems that say person A has to follow certain guidelines and behaviours and person B has a completely different set of rules has never made sense to me. When learning about the Caste system in India as a young girl I cried a little, but more than anything I chose to disagree. I decided that if i were in India, there would be no way that I would be ok with where I was. but what if i didn't know to not agree... ? i dont' know... I'm rambling now and am on a tangent...
where was i going with that? who knows?
though i'm not too familiar with french culture and how much these words might mean to you, i am...
a follower of Christ. i won't lie; it's been a while since i've sat down and read a book of the bible by myself...i also don't believe that anything outside of the breath of God, the One who exists, that makes us holy, or wise, or alive... so, i guess it's ok, for now, that i don't always read... it's not that i forget, i think it's that i don't forget that keeps me from 'daily devotions'. my life is devotion. inasmuch as i can and it can be, each breath is God's and that's about all I can ask for.
you asked what i'm looking for at fuller... outside of a reason to defer my loans (which, let's be honest, is a reality) i'm looking for a means of strengthening my ability to think and respond that i might, as an individual and in community, open up to the Kingdom that is here, and open others up to that Kingdom. I need qualifications and certifications that say i'm bona fide and able. i also long for community and to learn, always to learn, and i know that Fuller is a place where i can do that. i've known a lot of people who have studied there and more and more it seems to be a place for me. it has been 'on my radar' for some time and it seems like it could be a really great place for me to learn. when i stop and think about it, i should probably be a lot more intentional about being there.
what makes my belly on fire? most things. i was told by a professor a few years ago that i should be a mennonite because we share similar ideals, "But," he said, "you're too aggressive, or passionate, I think, even for the mennonites." pride makes me nauseous to the point of no return. the idea of people actually hating other people revolts me. hate, it seems to me, is the most pride-filled endeavor, that any human being can pursue. for any of us to actually and actively 'hate' something is to say to that thing which we hate, "I am above you and therefore better, so I will do whatever I can do to remove you from existence..." or something like that... often times the 'thing' is a person, or a people group. No one, not anyone, from the dictators of the third world to tribal leaders to monarchs and rulers of the developed nations, no one deserves to be hated and oppressed. pride is what motivates humanity on many levels... i don't fit in that system. . .
anyway, this email has taken me far longer than planned and i need to get packing... someday i'd like to write a book... i've been encouraged in that.
my desire in life is to be an avenue of hope. an injection of freedom in a bound world, for all that i meet and come across, i desire to share with them the 'fools' hope that i have for each day, to strive for sustainable relationships with the earth and with one another. i pray that my life would be an event of justice and i acknowledge daily that is an event of grace. i want to be Jesus while acknowledging that I am in desperate need of Christ and the death of the One who is Holy. i won't ever be Jesus actually, but his lifestyle is ideal when it comes to lifestyles...
that's about all i can ask for and all that i have. my life's motto is 'what's mine is yours.'
well, if any of that makes sense you should have a better picture of who i am. sometimes i forget to filter things... i'm pretty surprised i haven't cussed yet... that's a fairly normal part of my life... but then again, i didn't really talk about God as much as I usually do... i'm sure that will come.
til then, may the death of Christ and the journey to the cross that we are all called to you make you restless and bring you to Christ for peace.
first, i don't really have a couch, so i won't be doing that... though i'd prefer to be outside all hours of the day anyway. and second, i don't have time to tell you everything, sorry, but i'll do my best to put myself in one of those nice gift-wrapped boxes that people seem to enjoy so much.
like i said, i like being outside, however, if you ask anyone who knows me, for the most part, they would know that 'like' is a completely inappropriate word. 'love' is incorrect as well. kieran once told me (in his kindest rude manner-i say this with a smile) that my desire to be outside was very "American" about me... I hated that, however, I have resigned to allow myself at least one - hopefully not much more than that - thing in my life that might qualify my citizenship... I would also like to think that Kieran is wrong. Anyway, I have a need to be outside, to see the sun, the feel moving air, to touch the grass with my bare feet, to not just watch the rain fall but to somehow be a part of it. I can't avoid it. without spending too much time in one area, to say the least, I had a unique experience as a child, and though I've always loved being outside, over the last few years, in an effort to reclaim myself as a child, I've learned to love being outside even more. it has become much more a requirement for a good day than a leisure. They are few and far between the days that I don't spend much time outside. Southern California weather has fueled this luxury.
if you look on facebook or myspace or any other internet site that i may have begun a page on and toyed with for more than a few minutes, or that others have written on, you might likely find comments made by myself or another calling me a hippie, or a vagabond, a bohemian, nomad, granola-chic, whatever... all of these terms have both negative and positive connotations... and like most words are limited by their definitions. when asked to use my own words i find i change them as often as possible. i second guess what i've just said - almost every time. with that in mind here's a little about me.
i was adopted. born in la to people that i do not know. i was moved to a foster family that became the only family i would know as my own. yes. i would like to meet my biological parents/mother/brother/family... someday. hopefully sooner than not. i grew up in southern california. my parents-who adopted me- went to church, so i went to church. we went to very different churches even though they met in the same building. i went to children's church, and they went to big church. throughout my childhood i was convinced that they learned very different things than i did. i felt this way about most adults who talked about my friend Jesus as if he didnt' actually exist. it was strange to me. i hated church and loved Jesus, i find that some of the feelings from my childhood didn't go away.
[here i feel i must clarify that i do love the church, the body of Christ, the movement of Christ in the world through humanity, but i also get frustrated with what some of the louder, wealthier members of the body say... ref. Torture & Eucharist by William T. Cavanaugh, The Politics of Jesus by John H. Yoder, For the Life of the World by Alexander Schmemann. . . side note - i think i would marry alexander schmemann if he were alive and if he would have me... which i doubt he would...]
in the same way that many have reading disabilities and and mental disorders - inabilities to do,or perform, in certain, proper ways - i have a system-disability/disorder/inability. it is something that is both innate, coming from the depths of my being, and yet has been nurtured by my surroundings. i have always had a preference for the outcasts. i am drawn to those that are pushed to the fringes and margins. the systems that say person A has to follow certain guidelines and behaviours and person B has a completely different set of rules has never made sense to me. When learning about the Caste system in India as a young girl I cried a little, but more than anything I chose to disagree. I decided that if i were in India, there would be no way that I would be ok with where I was. but what if i didn't know to not agree... ? i dont' know... I'm rambling now and am on a tangent...
where was i going with that? who knows?
though i'm not too familiar with french culture and how much these words might mean to you, i am...
a follower of Christ. i won't lie; it's been a while since i've sat down and read a book of the bible by myself...i also don't believe that anything outside of the breath of God, the One who exists, that makes us holy, or wise, or alive... so, i guess it's ok, for now, that i don't always read... it's not that i forget, i think it's that i don't forget that keeps me from 'daily devotions'. my life is devotion. inasmuch as i can and it can be, each breath is God's and that's about all I can ask for.
you asked what i'm looking for at fuller... outside of a reason to defer my loans (which, let's be honest, is a reality) i'm looking for a means of strengthening my ability to think and respond that i might, as an individual and in community, open up to the Kingdom that is here, and open others up to that Kingdom. I need qualifications and certifications that say i'm bona fide and able. i also long for community and to learn, always to learn, and i know that Fuller is a place where i can do that. i've known a lot of people who have studied there and more and more it seems to be a place for me. it has been 'on my radar' for some time and it seems like it could be a really great place for me to learn. when i stop and think about it, i should probably be a lot more intentional about being there.
what makes my belly on fire? most things. i was told by a professor a few years ago that i should be a mennonite because we share similar ideals, "But," he said, "you're too aggressive, or passionate, I think, even for the mennonites." pride makes me nauseous to the point of no return. the idea of people actually hating other people revolts me. hate, it seems to me, is the most pride-filled endeavor, that any human being can pursue. for any of us to actually and actively 'hate' something is to say to that thing which we hate, "I am above you and therefore better, so I will do whatever I can do to remove you from existence..." or something like that... often times the 'thing' is a person, or a people group. No one, not anyone, from the dictators of the third world to tribal leaders to monarchs and rulers of the developed nations, no one deserves to be hated and oppressed. pride is what motivates humanity on many levels... i don't fit in that system. . .
anyway, this email has taken me far longer than planned and i need to get packing... someday i'd like to write a book... i've been encouraged in that.
my desire in life is to be an avenue of hope. an injection of freedom in a bound world, for all that i meet and come across, i desire to share with them the 'fools' hope that i have for each day, to strive for sustainable relationships with the earth and with one another. i pray that my life would be an event of justice and i acknowledge daily that is an event of grace. i want to be Jesus while acknowledging that I am in desperate need of Christ and the death of the One who is Holy. i won't ever be Jesus actually, but his lifestyle is ideal when it comes to lifestyles...
that's about all i can ask for and all that i have. my life's motto is 'what's mine is yours.'
well, if any of that makes sense you should have a better picture of who i am. sometimes i forget to filter things... i'm pretty surprised i haven't cussed yet... that's a fairly normal part of my life... but then again, i didn't really talk about God as much as I usually do... i'm sure that will come.
til then, may the death of Christ and the journey to the cross that we are all called to you make you restless and bring you to Christ for peace.
**this is an un-edited response to an email from a new acquaintance of mine; he asked me to tell everything about myself... that was when i decided to start a blog. thanks for joining me so far. more to come, less about me i think, perhaps more, but i figured, if i was going to 'get it all out there' on the internet, i should probably tell a little about who i am. thanks for sticking along**
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