love and fear...

'there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love...'

i john 4.18

that's the verse of the day according to the sojourners email i got today at 1.09 pm

it reminds me that i'm not ready... i'm a little scared and am not sure if i really know how to love.

i still need to sit at the door before i can truly participate in this story of love, hope, and life.

--

it reminds me of when i was in the 7th grade and my friend brian was too scared to ride the batman ride at magic mountain. since he didn't think he could handle it, we went on 'goldrusher,' a much milder ride with absolutely no line (for pretty good reason), about 21 times-maybe more... we just kept getting off and jumping in 'line' and riding it over and over again. we sat in different seats so that we could get a different perspective each time... and because the alternative was too scary. when i tried to push him to move on, because i thought he was ready; he pushed back and i still have a scar on my shoulder to prove it.

--

thank you for your patience as i keep riding this roller coaster. i'd really like to go on the next one, but i don't think i've quite got this one figured out yet. i know if i try to move on too soon, i'll get a scar, or i might give you one, and i'm not sure if i can handle that right now.

thanks for your patience. 

over and out.